F.
I really had no idea what happened to me. I cannot concentrate. My mind keeps drifting away, escaping and not thinking. Not doing what it supposed to do. And I've lost control over it. I told myself to concentrate, I tried to off my phone. I tried to shut down all the distractions. I kept quiet to provide a conducive environment for it to operate. BUT. Nothing works. I really hate it. Finals are coming. My studies are lacking behind. I don;t understand what the lecturer and tutor and even my friend is talking about. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
I don't know to whom I can share all this. Friends in uni- they are experiencing something similar but at least they can think, know what's going on. ME? F. I'm still like a bird knowing no direction to where I should go. Flying a bit forward but with too much hesitant and fear within me. I dare not to tell my parents again because I know for the past few weeks I've been imposing them too much, I vent my anger on them etc. Things is so much worse this time round even though something similar happened in the past before.
I feel like crying. I cried. But no use. Last time crying makes me stronger, but this time it gets me nowhere. I couldn't pull myself back. I felt so weak. I doubt myself, and everything around me. No of course I'm not suffering from depression I hope.. even though I start to lose appetite and interest in anything..but all my friends are feeling the same way so I guess it's normal? HOW TO GET MYSELF FOCUS. HOW TO MAKE MYSELF TO THINK. AND STOP BEING AFFECTED BY SURROUNDINGS. AND TALK TO PEOPLE. MINGLE WITH THEM. STOP APPEARING SO UNFRIENDLY. I didn't like all this. BUT WHY IS IT FCKING HAPPENING TO ME NOW.
I don't use F. in the past, almost none. NOW I'M USING IT EVERYTIME.
AND YOU KNOW HOW BADLY I WANNA CHAT WITH HIM BUT WHEN I OPEN THE CONVERSATION I DIDN"T KNOW WHAT TO TYPE.
I don't want to complain and rant. I thought this will give him stress. He doesn't know how to help me I guess? I mean seriously even myself don't know what to do with myself... I'm just too worried that anything I'm doing now will just give him..stress. He's already busy with so many things.. Although I hate this word but for now I have to use it, I really don't want to be a burden to him. I don't know if he will understand this..snd the time we spent together is not a lot, our understanding for each other is not there yet I guess..? At least there's plenty room of improvement.. Ever since school starts, it's almost about work and work and work. Ya I know right from the start the path isn't going to be easy, but I didn't expect this... EVEN I FIND MYSELF TROUBLESOME POSSESSIVE OVER-RELIANT. I..even start to detest myself already..
There's so many things still iewfbi30109108 uh%@#*Q#&* in my heart. I wish I can pour it out here everything. But I dont't know why I'm stopping myself, I don't know if I'm going to let anyone see this blog in the future...
LINGSEIYI CAN YOU JUST WAKE UP YOUR MIND.
Some friends can see that I'm under a lot of stress..I don't know how to break this cycle. It's drowning me.
留言列表
